Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Today I announce the formation of a wild new addendum to War, Semen and Grooviness – Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you THE CHURCH OF PAUL.

The era of John is over – and today we proclaim Paul McCartney as the GREATEST Beatle! For it was Paul McCartney who truly foreshadowed the Fab Four’s most experimental masterworks; be it his groundbreaking use of the string section on 1966’s Eleanor Rigby, his ‘conceptual’ vision of 1967’s Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band or the enigmatic ‘Rock Opera’ side of 1969’s Abbey Road – Paul McCartney’s Beatles-era output undeniably proves that he was THE experimental Beatle. Although the pessimistic shepherds of Rock History have deceived you into thinking that that title belongs entirely to John Lennon –an honest acknowledgement of the group’s catalogue tells a very different story. One common observation of Paul’s music that fuels this deception was that he had a charming, albeit aloof, penchant for writing “granny” music (much to Lennon’s chagrin). Tunes such as Your Mother Should Know, Maxwell’s Silver Hammer and Honey Pie are considered by many wayward “rock critics” as being sub-par, elevator muzak when compared to the psychedelic masterworks of John Lennon. While no one can malign the extraordinary and forward thinking contributions made by Lennon – Paul’s so-called “granny” music actually contained an artistic magic that drastically superseded anything put forth by John. Step away from this article for a moment and put on Penny Lane – and listen to it. This is groundbreaking music – deceptively simple in its arrangement – it actually masks a ritualistic passage from innocent antiquity to a bold and mature musical aesthetic. The piano accompaniment and piccolo trumpet solo (performed in a mock-Baroque style meant to reminisce Bach's 2nd Brandenburg Concerto) merges with McCartney’s extraordinarily catchy pop-cadence and whimsical narrative to create a song that is at once both strangely familiar and entirely fresh; a Liverpuldian fantasy wherein Paul laments engaging in a naughty “finger-pie” with his young lover all the while juxtaposed against the traditional mainstays of bankers, firemen and barbers. Match that seamless marriage of style and theory with a melody that John Lennon could never hope to achieve and you have just witnessed an entirely revolutionary piece of “granny” music.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg; Paul McCartney actually dreamt the entire melody to Yesterday! – Upon waking up, he hurried to his piano to get the tune down before it slipped out of his mind. For weeks Paul was convinced that he had unconsciously plagiarized the melody from someone else (an intellectual crime which fellow Beatle and hipster favorite George Harrison was successfully sued for in 1971 for his own song My Sweet Lord) but after being convinced that it was an original tune, Paul crafted his dream piece into one of the loveliest songs in The Beatles’ canon. With such evidence, it is hard to believe how one could not come to the conclusion that Paul McCartney was truly touched by the musical God of Grooviness. But his rightful place as the GREATEST Beatle does not merely end within the experimental and melodic realm; the influence of Paul McCartney on the group’s direction and place in history also cannot be understated. It was Paul who was the consummate workhorse – always prodding each member to rehearse well into the night, constantly advancing the group’s “scope” and musicianship so that one day they would actually become The Greatest Band in the World. And it worked. The Beatles, and the Music World, owe that to him.

THE CHURCH OF PAUL has been established to bring these irrefutable arguments to the public stage and to rectify the glaring omission of Paul McCartney as the greatest songwriter of the 20th century. In the coming months, expect much action from THE CHURCH OF PAUL on and in your community! We will approach and commission the greatest artists of the Fab Reich to create breathtakingly divine portraits of Sir Paul to share with the world! We will interpret his most beloved and obscure songs for wisdom and guidance. We shall write Paul McCartney fan-fiction! We will discuss his music and what it means to us. AND WE WILL ALL HAIL THE CUTE ONE!

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